2 Types of Turtles

On February 23rd something finally shook loose in my brain. It was shaken loose by linking someone to a post in this journal. Not because of that particular post but because I was linking them to it I decided to take a quick scroll through and see what would be visible to them if they looked at the rest of this thing beyond that one linked post. When I did that I eventually ran into this one from August 2013. It features this comment:

"As long as I've had this [journal] I've always been looking about for the good or amusing things to share instead (or at least the bad as I make fun of them -- it seems like the whole first year of this thing is me making fun of me for not being able to get my school work done and all the fretting I do about that) but more and more this style feels disingenuous ("Hey! Funny story! Good night out! Look over there!")."

August 2013 was particularly bad. 2 months after that (just before Thanksgiving weekend of all things) I'd essentially be declaring to Matthew 'Fuck it all, we are done' before he'd then respond that is not what he wants at all prompting me to then re-commit 'till he decided June 6th 2014 that, nope, actually, we are in point of fact done.

Why does it matter that August 2013 was particularly bad? It matters because it turns out there's a point we can not only call Point So Bad I Can't Joke but also Point So Bad That Jokes Themselves Seem Bad. What I discovered when I bumped into that post my reaction was something on the order of "making fun of 'bad' things feels disingenuous!? Looking for good things to share seems wrong?! Well... what it feels like from this spot right here right now is that that is wrong!"

I've just now done a bit of skipping about and a handy-dandy two days before June 6th 2014 I wrote this post. For those who don't want to bother clicking I will note that it's a post making fun of myself for needing to pee. Oh noes! The disingenuous horror of it all! :)

I do actually think that it's important, as also flagged in that post, that I'm inclined not to talk about Bad But Extremely Important Things but I'm not as bothered by it now (in the sense of feeling like by not talking about those things that were occupying a huge amount of mind-space I was being disingenuous). All things in good time, season, and context seems much better than forcing myself into talking when I don't want to talk yet. And, eventually, I did 'talk'. The next set of posts from there on out (June 23rd to August 24th) are all more talkie than funny and then by September 14th I'm back to sharing Things Wot Are Good Or Amusing.

Joking, making fun, or being silly has always been a significant part of how I relate to the world and I think it's one of the best ways. What's bad is not the joking... it's when I'm so bad that I can't joke and, worse, that joking starts to seem alien to me. Here I start to feel much more like I am back to myself and the way I ended up describing it to my friend is I feel like on some important level, foundationally, as it is, that I am turtles all the way down. Except what I mean by turtles is light-hearted joking... I am a small and elaborate universe (just like everyone else) encompassing many things (many of these things not being joking at all & actually being pretty dire and horrific) that are nonetheless all still standing on turtlesjokes, silliness.

What I thought about the last few years is that some bugger snuck in and switched out a stack of turtles for some other things, such that I wouldn't notice until I ran into them (bricks, stacks of gypsum board, rocks, an old shoe, empty acrylic boxes etc.) but it seems like I've got past that stack and am back to turtles. Dunno if there's been any other switch-outs further down the road but I think I'd have to be better at noticing them this time.

The other turtle (who actually shows up in that wiki article I linked) is Terry Pratchett's turtle. Pratchett has always been great with turtles even if he technically only has one really big one. He's so good with turtles that even the wrap-up of his small universe was announced with one.

When it comes pretty dire and horrible things, like dementia/Alzheimer's, there aren't as many turtles but still some turtles.

I'm pretty interested in this topic because it's closer to me (in two different ways) than I'd like it to be (and yet at the same time it's not assured in either way, so lets not worry about directly 'till it's way closer than it currently seems like it might be).

The last thing I'll provide from Pratchett is a quote that came to my attention because of his death. It both speaks to me and worries me (mostly 'cause I think it kinda matters what sorts of characters say things like this): :)

The Patrician took a sip of his beer. "I have told this to few people, gentlemen, and I suspect I never will again, but one day when I was a young boy on holiday in Uberwald I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. A very endearing sight, I'm sure you will agree, and even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged on to a half-submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen: mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior."

The two wizards exchanged a glance. Vetinari was staring into the depths of his beer mug and they were glad that they did not know what he saw in there.

Speaking of things that speak to you and worry and I won't be fleshing out the skeleton 'till at least next weekend (and almost certainly not 'till the weekend after that) 'cause I've got an awful pile of Plato and a chunk of Orwell to read before I do.